Reflections
by DyrraDegan
Summary: Jiraiya has left to confront the head of Akatsuki on his own. What went through Tsunade's mind as she sat on that park bench, knowing that this might be the end?


"_Remain careful of "Root"_

"_I know…"_

"_That's a relief! See ya later…"_

Tsunade sat quietly on the park bench, staring into the lush vegetation as her heart screamed from within her chest. She wanted so desperately to jump up, to race after Jiraiya, to stop him before the sound of his footsteps vanished. It wasn't normal. Her emotions had declared all-out war on her iron self-control.

"It's-the-sake-it's-the-sake-it's-the-sake-it's-the-sake…" she chanted silently to herself.

Standing slowly, she turned to face the direction he had gone in, curling her left fist tightly at her side, as a small voice from deep within whispered, "I could still catch him…"

NO.

Logic tore through the haze of sake, deepening the blush in her cheeks as it scolded her. It was impossible. To chase him, to stop him once more would have been completely out of character. It wouldn't change a thing, it would be a last, selfish stolen moment and she knew that to Jiraiya, it could only mean one thing - that she fully expected him to die.

She couldn't do that to him…she would not plant such an obvious seed of doubt in him and send him into danger.

"You might as well kill him yourself," her thoughts whispered.

Forcibly swallowing her own urges and turning on her heel, she moved quickly away from the path he had taken. With her head tilted down and her focus channeled into her footsteps, Tsunade soon found herself back in the heart of Konoha. Pausing for a moment, she took a deep breath and gazed fondly at the surrounding buildings and the passing crowds.

The Sake House.

It was the finest in all of Konoha, carrying three hundred different brands of the sweet alcohol in stock. It was hard to believe that they'd been there less than twenty minutes ago drinking so casually. The Hokage peered into the seating area and noticed a young, dark-haired girl clearing away the empty bottle from their abandoned table. Moving quickly she crossed the square and entered, "You there!" she cried.

The young girl jumped, dropping the bottle which smashed into fragments at her feet. Her eyes grew wide with fear as she snapped into a low bow, "H-Hokage-sama!" she stammered.

Realizing that the tone of her voice had been quite barbed, Tsunade cleared her throat gently and began once more, "I was here a little while ago," she said, "Could you tell me if those are the same cups that I used?"

The girl straightened slowly, "Yes, Hokage-sama. I am sorry…I would have cleared this table sooner but I was helping my Father in the back Please don't tell him that it took me so long, he will be so disappointed with me!" she said.

Tsunade took a breath and smiled at the trembling girl, "Don't worry," she said distractedly as her eyes drifted towards their abandoned cups. She reached for Jiraiya's and held it firmly, "I just want to purchase these and a bottle of your finest sake."

The girl's dark brown eyes widened once more, "Our finest, Hokage-sama? Are you certain? Our finest bottle costs five-thousand ryou!"

Tsunade stood firmly in spite of her shock at the price and smiled. Certainly she had lost that much and more in an evening of gambling, "Yes, I'm sure," she replied, "Can you see to it?"

The girl bowed sharply again, "I will get my father…one moment, please…" and she scampered off, the bottle fragments forgotten for the moment.

Tsunade stood there in the silence, examining Jiraiya's cup, it was a soft, sage green with forget-me-nots carved into the side. Bending once more, she picked up her own cup, grasping it gently in her right hand. It was the same sage green colour and bore the same design as Jiraiya's. She smiled as she thought of the hanakotoba. Many believed that a flower, depending on its type and colour could be used to convey meaning. Their cups bore the flower of eternal love. Shaking her head, she wondered at her sudden sentimental streak and carried them towards the bar.

Within moments, the flustered and clearly thrilled owner came to the bar carrying a gourd-shaped bottle of sake that bore a bright, red, silk tassel around the top. Introducing himself as Jiro and the girl as Ai he explained the origins of such an expensive bottle of sake. It was a special recipe that had been created and perfected by his grandfather. It had been famous during the time of the first Hokage and at that time had been quite rare. It took a full year to create and involved a thousand separate steps to ensure its perfection. Unfortunately, the secret had died fifty years ago with the sudden passing of its creator. It was the only bottle remaining for sale and had been preserved carefully over the years.

"It is a completely unique blend and a true Konoha treasure," Jiro continued, "Please store it in a cool, dark place away from any other moisture if you wish to preserve it. I would not part with this if it were destined for anyone other than the Hokage."

Pocketing the cups, Tsunade took the gourd and bowed politely at Jiro as he thanked her profusely for her purchase. Stepping over the broken sake bottle, she headed out once more into the streets, weaving her way towards Hokage mansion.

As she approached her home, the Fifth found herself drawn towards a small, abandoned gazebo on the river. She entered and removed her shoes, sitting up on the ledge and allowing the sun to drench her face and feet. She was careful to keep the gourd in her hand lowered into the shade as she sat.

She recalled the day they became a team with Orochimaru and how she had cursed his inclusion. At the time, he had been young, brash and foolhardy. He was always the first to rush in and always the first to get knocked out. It came as no surprise to her that he'd viewed Naruto as a surrogate grandson. The boy was virtually a carbon copy of the young Jiraiya, right down to the spiky hair.

Naruto was rapidly approaching the age that Jiraiya had been when she'd nearly killed him. She frowned at the memory. By the time she turned 12, Tsunade had already grown annoyed with the other girls her age. They were all so concerned with dieting, looks and boys and it had virtually obliterated their concentration on ninjutsu. On assignments they were rarely useful and were often protected by their male team-mates. That attitude still annoyed her and she scowled at the scores of young girls who preferred to live in simpering submission.

Those girls hid their intelligence, left their skills under-developed and fully expected their happiness to come from the admiration of boys. Those same boys were so young and immature that they didn't have enough sense to come inside when it was raining. It was frustrating, but worse, it was dangerous. To have such an unskilled void on a team had the potential to become deadly. Even at the age of twelve, Tsunade had witnessed scores of young, male ninjas returning home from missions wounded, sometimes seriously and once grievously because of an incompetent female on their squad.

She didn't want to be useless.

So, at that young age she made the decision to go against the grain. It hadn't been a difficult decision. Tsunade had always been brilliant, using her keen, analytical mind to point out obvious holes in Jiraiya's plans and ideas. It annoyed him terribly as he was so sensitive about his own intelligence. He would bark back at her cruelly, attacking the only thing that he knew mattered to teenaged girls - looks. He was merciless, mocking her studiousness, her incompatibility with the other, more feminine girls and her appearance. She was a tomboy, she was flat-chested little Tsunade.

She laughed it off, usually calling him an idiot but it angered her terribly at the time. His teasing pushed her to work and study, harder and harder as the years went by. It seemed that everyone in Konoha had a dream. For young Tsunade, that dream was to force Jiraiya to acknowledge her, to respect her for the things that really mattered. Not because of beauty or a submissive attitude but because she was a real asset to the team. If a pervy kid like him could just swallow both the insults and his pride and acknowledge her for that, it would be a victory.

By the time Tsunade turned sixteen she'd become a powerful medic-nin. Her hard work had bought her knowledge of every medical text available, she had made herself invaluable to team missions but she had not yet developed the characteristic brute strength that made her famous. Also, in a surprising twist of fate, flat-chested little Tsunade had grown into quite the opposite. She was a striking young blonde with a beautiful heart-shaped face and soft brown eyes. Her physique was nothing short of perfect, if a little top heavy but she had barely noticed any change. Her medical work was of top importance to her.

She worked away on missions comfortably with Jiraiya and Orochimaru. To date, the spiky-haired, future sannin hadn't acknowledged her. But with age and a bit more maturity she found that she cared less and less about his opinion and more about her own accomplishments. Jiraiya had grown as well; he had become much more thoughtful and careful when they were on missions. The insults were generally minimal and only hurled when they were well deserved. He'd also gotten taller, hitting at least six feet in height. His chest and arms were perfectly sculpted - something she'd noticed, to her embarrassment while splashing through falls near the Rain Country.

Tsunade paused and smiled to herself, the blush of her cheeks reflected in the soft ripples of the water. The sight of Jiraiya without a shirt was something that she'd only ever witnessed three times in her life. The third happened about a week ago in Kakashi's room at Konoha Hospital. Each time had the same effect on her - surprise, deep pleasure and then a frantic attempt to keep it from showing on her face. In that moment, she promised to heal the horrible scar from the Kyuubi that marred his otherwise perfect physique.

"When you come back," she whispered, her voice lost on the breeze.

Just before her seventeenth birthday, the Hokage had sent them on a particularly brutal mission to the Ocean Country. Orochimaru had been pushed to his limit, Jiraiya had been beaten to near unconsciousness at one point and at she had exhausted herself healing them both and aiding in the battle. On the way home, bruised and fatigued they stopped in at a resort town for the night. They readily spent the extra cash to take advantage of the spa facilities and relax. A soft tap on her room door revealed a robed and smiling Jiraiya. Orochimaru had ruled against the hot springs, deciding instead to bed down early and catch up on some much needed sleep. Tsunade had reached for her towel and met Jiraiya's warm smile, joining him in the hall and heading towards the baths.

They walked in companionable silence for a while, listening to the soft sounds that carried on the night air and inhaling the earthy, heady scent of the pines that surrounded the resort. When they reached the fork in the walkway that lead to the change rooms, Jiraiya paused.

"Tsu…Tsunade?" he began quietly.

She turned her blonde head and eyed him, taken by surprise at the expression on his face. It was gentle…it was…almost affectionate. Stopping, she turned towards him and met his dark brown eyes, "What is it?" she asked, as her keen eyes tried to discern his intention.

"I…I just wanted to say thanks," he began, coloring slightly under the long, red lines that he wore on his cheeks, "Without you…I don't think we'd be here tonight."

She felt herself tremble inside slightly.

"You've worked so hard," he continued awkwardly, his elbow bent high as he rubbed the back of his head nervously, "And…well…you're amazing, Tsunade. Don't ever let those useless girls give you any shit. I'm…I'm really glad you're on this team."

It was funny. She'd forgotten over time how important his acknowledgment had been when she was twelve. The memory flooded back as she drank in his words. For once, she swallowed back the snappy, sarcastic reply that was threatening to explode from her lips. It was a game they had played over the years. One of them would say something serious and the other would respond with a playful, verbal slap to bring the conversation back to a comfortable zone.

Not tonight.

She reached forward, grasping his hand and squeezing it lightly, smiling up at him. "Thank-you," she said, "I've worked so hard on my skills to keep you safe. I'm just glad that I was able to this time."

The flash in his eyes was too intense for her and she released his hand, lowering her gaze to her feet and feeling her ears burn.

In a moment his large hand was moving down the fine, golden strands of her hair, along her ear and tilting her face back towards his. Moving in, he lowered his lips gently to hers, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. The shock had made her entire body stiffen at first, but the solid warmth of him around her relaxed her just as quickly. She closed her eyes, sliding her own hands around his waist and focusing on the firm sweetness of his mouth. They were both so young and so nervous but it seemed to evaporate in that moment as he moved softly, gently exploring her lips and then drawing back politely before anything could go too far.

Tsunade was speechless.

The sound of approaching tourists jarred them from their reverie. "I guess we should go," he said.

"Yeah," she croaked, and forcing her voice back to normal, she continued, "Jiraiya? I'm glad I'm on this team too…"

"That's a relief," he said gently, turning towards the male change rooms, and smiling he said, "See ya later…"

"See ya," she replied languidly, heading towards the ladies room.

Twenty minutes later, sitting alone in the ladies side of the bath she had spotted his dark eye peering through a knothole. Her rage was instantaneous. She had trusted him, she allowed herself a moment of vulnerability, she had been stupid enough to believe that he cared for who she was inside. The humiliation flowed like lava through her body; she could feel her chakra bristle in response to her emotions. Without thinking she grabbed a towel and pulled it tightly around her body. With a bellow of, "PERVERT!!!" she flew towards the knothole with her fist raised. It was faster than she'd ever moved in her life and it caught Jiraiya totally unprepared. For the first time, her chakra focused into her knuckles and the punch exploded through the knothole, splintering the wood into dust as he sailed backwards.

Tsunade stopped in her tracks, shocked by the amount of power that had detonated on the end of her arm. The fence between the male and female sides of the springs had been utterly destroyed. The few remaining men had grabbed their towels and ran into the change room in terror. Not only had she knocked him backwards, but she had hit him so hard that he had blown through the other side of the fence and through the concrete wall beyond. Grabbing the nearest robe, she tied it tightly around her and ran along the surface of the water to the spot where Jiraiya had disappeared. When she reached the hole in the concrete wall, the pit of her stomach dropped in fear. The resort was situated on a cliff overlooking a heavily wooded ravine. Jiraiya had plunged at least forty feet into the thicket below. Racing down the wall, she found him. He was unconscious and he had landed on a small Doku tree. The branches had pierced his body all along his torso, through his lungs and one branch was lodged perilously close to his heart. To make matters worse, the Doku tree was highly poisonous. It's thick, dark-purple sap was often harvested for use on weaponry.

Racing down the wall, she grabbed him and scooped him up, being careful in the removal of the deadly branches. Racing back up the wall and into the bathing area she placed him on his back. He was cold and his breathing was shallow. Ignoring the fact that he was also nude, she formed a seal over his chest and began healing ninjutsu. It would be impossible for her to save him on her own, without the proper ingredients to remove the poison, but if she could stabilize him for transport back to Konoha, there was hope.

She pulled another robe away from the wall and covered him as he shivered violently. They would have to move soon.

Suddenly, Orochimaru appeared holding all of their gear and eying the destruction impassively. Apparently the resort staff had advised him of what had happened and had asked them to leave. Jiraiya was barely stable, but there was no time to waste. She broke away from her ninjutsu for a moment and barked at Oro to dress Jiraiya while she grabbed her own clothing from the change room. He smiled coldly at her and agreed in a way that unnerved her. He seemed to almost enjoy the gravity of their situation and it made her sick.

They barely made it back to Konoha in time. It took a continually rotating team of medic-nin three solid days to remove all of the poison and repair the damage that her punch had caused. Jiraiya was unconscious for two weeks and when he finally awoke, everything had changed between them. He didn't trust her anymore, brushing off her attempts at an apology with nervous laughter and bad jokes. Within a month he left Konoha and disappeared for three years. It was in that time that he'd discovered the land of the frogs.

That had been the beginning of Jiraiya's wild youth. He'd never settled, never made any other attempts to get close any woman he hadn't paid for and inevitably when they met from that point on, there was discomfort, followed by a resurgence of tender feelings, followed by one of them doing something to shut it down.

In time, he'd forgiven her for the punch and chalked it up to something he'd deserved for peeking. In time, she'd learned to control her chakra, confining that strength to battle use only and becoming famous because of it. But they never could get around that awkwardness and she wondered if the feelings he strangled were as strong as hers.

Tsunade stood once more, slipping back into her shoes, imagining his face for a moment on the ripples of the water.

"Hello idiot," she murmured softly, smiling tenderly at the ghost of his reflection "It's flat-chested little Tsunade…"

She paused for a moment, feeling her eyes sting, "Come back to me," she continued, her voice a whisper, "I won't drink this without you, you know…come back to me and I won't hold back ever again, I promise…"


End file.
